Secret

I discovered something about myself a year and a half ago. I have not had the guts to tell anyone, but I think it is high time that I own up to it and stop living a lie.

Okay, here it goes:

Contrary to how I have always identified myself, I am, in reality, an absolute introvert.

There. I’ve said it. I-N-T-R-O-vert.

Whew!!!

Having been raised by an extremely extroverted mother and having been used to speaking and laughing loudly, I never ever considered myself to be not an extrovert. However I realized I had just been ignoring different clues that had been popping up all my life. For one, I have always been super-awkward with small talk. Most times I also feel self-conscious and uncomfortable when in a group. And how else could I explain the fact that I don’t have a single friend–truth is, I have never had a personal conversation of more than five sentences with anyone–in my neighborhood where I’ve lived for the last ten years? I don’t even know the names of my next-door neighbors. Come to think of it, this one’s not a clue; it would be a screaming red flag to any true extrovert! Oh, how could I have kidded myself for so long?

More and more, too (and perhaps this is a function of age as well), I have been finding the most amount of enjoyment in solitude. This is why I particularly love Saturday mornings, when I am usually able to spend a couple of hours just driving around the University of the Philippines campus, or reading a book on a patch of grass, with just a cup of coffee for company.

I suppose it’s this job that I’ve had for the last couple of years that has allowed this truth of my introversion to sink in. After so many years of working in the context of communities and big groups, being an organizer, trainer, facilitator and other stuff that extroverts are known to do, this assignment has got me glued most days to a home office. And I have come to realize how perfect this arrangement actually is for me.

As the cliché goes, the cat’s out of the bag.

I’m feeling the need to be alone and hidden under my blanket now.

—————————

Writing prompt, “Secret,” courtesy of The Daily Post.

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