“Tell us about something you’ve done that you would advise a friend never to do.”
Immediately I thought of one thing: I disrespected my mother.
Maybe over the course of my life I have committed this sin many times, but one incident stands out: I am very sure you will never forget, as I won’t, the time I yelled and glared as I interrogated you on a story you had told me about an accident you’d had — a story I found implausible and in need of a cross-examination. I’m so sorry for bringing it up now, I know it’s a painful memory.
It was such a shameful, dishonorable thing that I did! To say I was rude would be a huge understatement; I was unloving, disrespectful, arrogant, self-righteous and downright awful.
I found it hard to write about this terrible transgression that I had committed, so I skipped the prompt and ended up not writing anything yesterday.
Then today’s writing prompt came into my inbox, saying,
“Write a letter to your mom. Tell her something you’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to.”
So it seems I am really fated to write about this heartbreak I caused you: to ask your forgiveness, and to tell you how much I regret having uttered all those mean words, with that cruel expression on my face, using that nasty tone.
I am so sorry, Ma, for hurting you, and for that insult of thinking myself to be in a position to police you, to treat you like a criminal. You–who raised me, who taught me half of the things I know and am able to do, and who first modeled love and strength to me — deserve so much better. You deserve honor and respect. You deserve love and understanding.
I pray that you will forgive me, and that God will fully heal your heart that has suffered innumerable hurts all throughout your life. I also pray that He will continue to prune me, humble me, change me and make me into the kind of daughter that He wants me to be. Lastly, may we both live the rest of our lives filled with joy in the victory we already have in Christ — victory from all past, present and future sin and pain.
I love you so very much, Ma!