Got nice feedback for the original draft of Rendezvous (dialogue setup) from peers in a writing community. Just felt encouraged to press on and do better and better still.
I suspect the reason that this piece slipped to the second page without a single comment is simply that there is little to flaw. I like you writing, it flows well, and I couldn’t help wondering what her story was – if you’d care to share, I’d be happy to read it. Well done.
The paragraph were she sees the reb blob on the table is somewhat distracting to me. I guess that’s because in my mind, unless the room is the size of a football field and she couldn’t clearly make him out sitting at the table, a woman would know almost immediately, perhaps instinctively, what they were. Also, the line where her eyes meet his and the flowers take clearer form–I was thinking if she was looking into his eyes she wouldn’t also be looking at the flowers so they would be some fuzzy thing in her peripheral vision.
I really like the way you write. I find after reading this excerpt that I am dying to know what’s going on with her and this guy. Why is she breaking up with him? Are they having an affair? Is he abusive? Looking forward to reading more of your work.
I enjoyed your story. Good, captivating writing. To catch things like the previous writer noted, I let my writing ferment for a week or so. Then it is easier to catch the boo boos.
Alas! I still miss seeing them a lot.
Keep on writing!