I was able to get my first reviews for Unrequited! Happy to get feedback (both negative and positive) to help me improve my writing 🙂
Here they are:
Impressive to try such a condensed form, but I feel you have to be as accurate as a poem to pull it off. I didn’t feel this hit the mark.
I like the overall story, but it doesn’t have enough meat for me. Didn’t like the use of the unusual word ‘nary’
I can see how ‘icky’ might be relating to her age at the time, but not keen.
‘stings indescribably’ – two problems here, stings is weak and indescribably is a contradicition as you have just described it with stings.
I hope you get some more reviews as these things are subjective
Yes, can only agree with Norm above – to tell such a story in so few words, convey emotional focus, offer both past and present, and engage the reader Norm is right when he says it has to be ‘as accurate as a poem’; every word must be necessary, there must be weight yet balance.
I certainly like the idea but there does seem to be something lacking – ‘meat’ is how Norm described it; perhaps there is too much here to pack in to 100 words? Does it need to be more original than the irony of unrequited relationships? Would writing it in the first person give more emotional weight? Dunno, just thoughts.
50, 60 and 100 word essays are an excellent exercise to practise trimming your writing. They are far more difficult than they seem at first because sticking to an exact word count really limits things. Often readers don’t appreciate this.
I feel you have summed up this lady’s emotions and guilt pretty well. (I like nary ). For a further exercise, why not try to distill this down to 50 words. I think it could be done and it would be very imressive.
Nice work IMHO